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HuffPo users, please help me call out a supporter of abuse against women

I don't post here much any more, I mainly use LJ to keep up with others, but I felt this was important enough to warrant a widespread boost.  Tumblr users, you can also find this HERE.

SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING.  Some of the commentary I am quoting here is really awful.

If you're a HuffPo user, please help me call out a supporter of abuse against women.  I hate to break the "not your personal army" code, but in this case I feel it's warranted. I'm active on Huffington Post as a commenter, and I got in to it yesterday with someone who was trashing Savannah Dietrich, the girl who's been in the news for using social media to "out" the guys who sexually assaulted her & filmed it while she was passed out at a party.

This guy, amnholly, replied to something I said to another person (I inadvertently said Ms. Dietrich was drugged rather than drunk) and proceeded to try & turn the conversation in to a screed about how what the guys did wasn't so bad & how she brought it on herself.  I checked his comment history and almost ALL his time is spent defending rape & sexual abuse, shaming & blaming women, and encouraging the worst kind of sexism (as in his defense of the new Axe "living boobs" ad).

While I have issues with some of the extreme applications of the concepts of "male privilege" and "rape culture," this guy is vile & epitomizes the worst of both.  If you're on HuffPo, I would ask that you take part in calling out his idiocy & hatefulness.  I am NOT asking people to report him for hate speech & get him banned (I know some of you are going to immediately go "OMG YOU'RE TRYING TO DENY HIM FREE SPEECH!"), I am asking for those who're willing to help track his comments & stand up to his lies and abuse and answer them with facts.

Here're excerpts from some of his posts:
"All I have been pointing out the entire time is that this girl's choices had a direct relation to the result. End of story. And in response to your final question, yeah. I wouldn't phrase it as "my fault" but losing my situational awareness, losing control of myself & the situation would be 100% on me in that instance."

"She chose to get drunk & lose control of herself. This right here displays excellently the mentality this society has regarding women, that they cannot possibly be responsible for anything, that they are perpetual victims, helpless & unaccountable. This is wrong & has to change."

"This incident has nothing to do whatsoever with Akin, sexual assault does NOT equal rape, and she was not able to give consent due to HER OWN actions. The fact that something like 90% of rapes/sexual assaults in the US occur with someone whom the victim knows says something very telling about the behavior of women in this country. If it was the inverse, that 90% of cases were guys jumping out of the bushes wearing ski masks & raping, then yes, the majority of blame could be placed on men. The fact is that if she hadn't drunk herself stupid, none of this would've happened. She is partly responsible.”

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C'thulu and Mighty Dagon

Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And dream of human sacrifice in the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh
"Mad" Abdul Alhazred heard Al Azif
And penned a book of summoning C'thulu and Yog Soggoth. Oh!

Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And dream of human sacrifice in the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh
Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And on the day the stars align they'll come for you and me

Together they feast on souls and chuckle at our wails
Summoning death from the sky in a fiery hail
Noble kings and princes trembled at their names,
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. oh!

Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And dream of human sacrifice in the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh
Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And on the day the stars align it'll be death for you and me

Deep Ones lives forever but not so mortal toys
Bat-like wings and giant tentacles make meat of girls and boys.
One dread night it happened, C'thulu rose from the ocean floor
Nyarlathotep went to play and drive mankind insane.
And Hastur that mighty Old One poured on the loathsome hoar.

Mountains cracked with madness, the sky filled with flames,
Innsmouth teemed with cold ones in every street and lane.
And Arkham's best and brightest could not be brave,
As that eldritch horror arose from his watery grave. oh!

Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And dream of human sacrifice in the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh
Chthulu and mighty Dagon slumber beneath the sea
And on the day the stars align it'll be apocalypse and misery!
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I'm still here

I heard LJ was taking journals away, I'm still active but mainly posting on other journals.

Posting this just to be sure they know I'm active.
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re: "rape culture"

Posting this in case leora wants to continue the conversation we were having.
This started here: http://corpsefairy.livejournal.com/19639.html
And then went here: http://joreth.livejournal.com/241787.html

Unfortunately joreth felt I was trolling due to my disagreement with her presentation & asked that I take the conversation elsewhere. I'm working on some longer pieces about "privilege" and "rape culture" (link) but here's my basic issue.

I agree that our culture is biased towards men, that there's a great deal of gender inequity, and many women feel anywhere from uncomfortable around to afraid of men due to many men having a poor grasp of acceptable boundaries & behavior in regards to sex and sexuality, specifically with regards to the spectrum of behaviors from unwanted advances to pressuring a woman for sex to outright rape. We need education and cultural changes to teach people that these things are not acceptable, and to move us towards a society where people can interact with one another in a comfortable manner. This's a gross oversimplification, of course, and there're a lot of side issues.

However, in any discussion of gender, but especially one on this topic, once someone throws out "rape culture" it's the effective equivalent of reductio ad hitlerum or Godwin's Law. The concept and words used to describe it are so prejudicial it generally shuts down the argument on BOTH sides. On the one hand people will either simply shut down & stop listening, or be so offended by the comparison of cultures where the term is usually applied (such as the US or UK) to those where it might literally apply, which's what Dawkins did in the comments that started all this*. On the other, it provides people with a comfortable orthodoxy they can retreat in to where they form an echo chamber that allows them to selectively reinforce their views while rejecting others without having to carefully examine the underlying ideology.

Unfortunately the base principles of "rape culture" are fundamentally biased and anti-male and go well beyond the aims of an equitable society in to outright bigotry (not to mention the off-putting pejorative term itself), hence the shut down. This doesn't mean everyone who subscribes to the philosophy is an anti-male bigot, but unfortunately they're supporting a philosophy that is based in it, even if they refuse to see it. As with virtually all orthodoxies, adherents selectively edit out that which they do not wish to see.



*I understand what Dawkins was saying, I don't agree with all of it. It doesn't recognize the absolutely valid concerns a woman would feel in that situation, but the snark & derision wasn't necessary to make his point. If I break my toe, you're not going to get much of a smile back from me if you say "big deal pussy, I got shot once."
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Boy, the world is small

I know I don't post here much, but this seemed an apt place to note how small the world is.

I've been speaking for some months to a really sweet fetish model who lives in LA. She was planning a trip this way & we were going to get together & shoot. Unfortunately schedule changes kept that from happening, but we wanted to hang out anyway so she invited me to a BBQ friends here (she's originally from this area) were throwing. After some issues about travel I managed to made my way there & found a delightful group of folks. Turns out they were mostly geeks, con-goers, BDSM-active, and poly-involved. The lady who'd invited me ended up being distracted with an old friend for much of the evening, but I got along well with the rest of the crowd & think I've made a few new friends, including a cooking buddy. I may've even found someone to work at Insider House. Overall I had a great time.

So last night (aka 4 AM) when I got home I pulled up the Facebook event page for the BBQ. I'd previously accessed it from my business page & hadn't read all the back posts or the guest lists because I assumed (always a stupid idea) that I wouldn't know anyone there. I logged in from my personal FB page to say "hello" and look for folks to keep in touch with them. Imagine my surprise to see that old friend & poly activist Anita Wagner is friends with the whole crew & was an invited guest! Sadly (as I haven't seen Anita in ages) she wasn't able to come but it was amusing to note the "less than Kevin Bacon" vibe that seems to run thru the poly & leather communities. You're NEVER far from someone you know.

Of course I know Anita lives up here & she's invited me to a few events & suggested some things to me, and I've been planning to attend but my current lack of transport/mobility/funds has prohibited it. That made it doubly amusing that on going out thru a completely random business contract I ended up spending the evening with some of the folks she'd have introduced me to anyway. The circle of poly life, I guess!

Humor from the night:
We were playing drunken Mad-Libs. Turns out that one of the pages was "Awful pickup lines," and we unwittingly created what has to be the BEST bad pickup line EVER:
"Your love tunnel must be real tired, 'cause you've been HIV transmitting through my doo doo butter ALL night long!"
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Wondering how long I have.

I never expected to live to 30. Not that unusual when you're young, and obviously as I'm headed towards 42 I made it past. But I always knew if I did make it past 30 my chances of the proverbial "ripe old age" were pretty slim. I've got a pretty bad family health history, and I've managed to do a lot of damage to my body and accrue a lot of illnesses & injuries, often without adequate medical care, over the course of my adult life so my body's in pretty rocky shape. Of my grandparents, only one lived past his 50's, my father's dad, and I believe that old man, who went down in his 80's still drinking, smoking, and screwing the housekeeper, was simply too stubborn to die.

My mom’s dad died a few weeks before my 11th birthday. I watched this big strong man who literally built most of a city (there’re streets in Titusville, Fl named for my grandfather, his brother, and their children because they built so much of the town) waste, wither, and die from cancer. It started with a malignant melanoma on his face and it spread throughout his body, leading him to a slow & painful death. Then on Christmas Eve just two years later I got a call telling me my father’s mom had gone to sleep and her heart had just given out, with no warning. In my final year of high school, my mom’s mom developed a rare rapid onset melanoma in her brain and we did hospice care at home. I was grateful to get to be there for her in those last days.

Now I’m 41, sliding towards 42 in December, and thinking about the next 15 years. My father’s 68, mean and stubborn as his father, and blessed with the old man’s health. Mom’s made it to 63, and is doing relatively OK. But like I said I’ve got a host of issues, and I am broke and have no way to access any kind of medical care or treatment. Basic nutrition & a few other things others take for granted in terms of regular care are out of reach due to my present situation, which doesn’t improve my chances. My prospects for a solid living situation and regular sustenance level care for the foreseeable future aren’t spiffy. Add to that the research that shows people without a solid social circle and/or relationship don’t last as long, and my lack of prospects for either, and, well…

So in the midst of all that being on my mind, I heard from my mom tonight. Her younger sister, my 59 y/o aunt, is in the middle of some really painful & ghastly treatment for a rare melanoma that’s sprouted in her left eye, one they’re trying to treat before it can metastasize to her brain. It’s entirely possible it’s the same thing that killed her mom and that she (my grandmother) didn’t notice in time because she was already blind in one eye from a childhood accident. Even with early detection my aunt’s odds aren’t great, and she’s on a treatment course that’s doing awful things to her. Treatment, I might add, that I could never obtain if I needed it. Worst of all, my mom’s been having eye problems they haven’t been able to identify, so now she needs to go get checked.

A few hours after hearing that from mom, I found out a model friend of mine’s father passed away from cancer. She’s noted that she’s lost a number of relatives to it & is doing some benefit work to raise money for treatment & research. Those of you who know Wara won’t be surprised by the response, she’s a strong & wonderful lady.

My response is, admittedly, a bit more selfish. I have to look at this & wonder how long do I have. 15 years seemed like a long time when I was 15 & didn’t think I’d make 30. Now that I’m almost 42 & wondering if I’ll make 59, I look at my life where I’ve accomplished very little, and where most of my dreams & goals, even the simple ones, are unmet & unlikely to be met, and 15 doesn’t seem so long. Although knowing I’m likely to be alone for most of them makes me wonder how bad that’ll be.
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(no subject)

Dunno if any of you remember me, but I'm still alive.
Just went thru one of my periods of letting LJ slip.
Been going back & doing some catching up, I still lurk sometimes.
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Please help a lifestyler in trouble

*EDIT:  This has been edited at her request to her initials, her ex is apparently doing searches on her name looking for dirt.  This's a very well known redheaded fetish model, not a Florida or Georgia gal.  If you know her you can guess who I mean, if not & you want to know PM me.

Folks, normally I wouldn't publish one of these "internet appeals," but this one was sent directly to me from the lady in question & she's a good friend of mine so I know it's legit.

Some of you may know the fabulous WH, one of my favorite fetish models, lifestyle kinkster, and an all around sweetheart. I JUST received this heartbreaking message from her, she's experiencing one of the nightmares many nude & fetish models (not to mention lifestyle kinksters) share.

My Ex is on a witch hunt. He is trying to take my childen from me based on the fact that I shot fetish content in my home when the children were with him on his weeks of custodial care. I have retained a lawyer and shut down about 90% of my revenue-deriving operations plus most of my online profiles and I am desparate, DESPARATE, to keep my children (we currently have joint/shared custody, 50/50 right down the middle). If you can spread the word about this, that would be great. I am beyond myself with grief. I have contacted the NCSF and heard nothing. I got a call from jay Wiseman and he's trying to set up a fundraiser, perhaps? I have no revenue coming in and I need to mount a strong legal defense.

I have her number & have verified this is for real. She's sent me a PayPal address for donations, I will share it with interested parties. If you know Wednesday & want to speak to her directly, please let me know & I will have her get in touch with you if you don't already have first hand contact info.

This absolutely SUCKS, she's a super person & she loves her kids. It's despicable that her ex is trying to take them away over her work. Unfortunately, as I said, it's a concern many nude/alt/fetish models & lifestylers I know can relate to all too well. I was looking forward to working with her at FetCon this year, now I'm just hoping to help make sure her FAMILY is together then. Please help if you can.

I am blogging & tweeting this in several places, if you know the lady in question & know more of the people she's worked with please feel free to pass along the info. The more people who know & might be able to help, the better.

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